I peered through different lenses at the story of Jesus feeding the five thousand plus, with a boy’s two fish and five loaves. Those who wear contact lenses understand that they can get a little foggy. So the Spirit dropped a little re-wetting solution on my eyes, that I see the Word a little clearer. I put myself in the story not from the awesome miracle of Jesus providing for so many from so little. Jesus gives all new meaning to “New Math” when you take what seems like not enough and put it in His hands. He used what they had and it became more than enough. From the story, all were fed with left overs. What a testimony and enough encouragement that I could stop there.
I could also see from the onlooking eyes of the disciples who wanted to send the crowd away, because they saw what they could not provide by themselves, and yet could not see “Who” they had in the midst. We can know Jesus is in the midst, because we know He is omnipresent. We can remind ourselves of His omniscience in that He knows everything. Still, like the disciples we lose the magnitude of Who He is, what He has done for us on Calvary, His death, burial and resurrection. He did not leave us, but sent His Spirit to dwell in us, that we know the truth. Trust and obey. Still, we miss Him in the midst of the overwhelming spaces that life presents.
Well, in the midst of all that, I put my eyes on the Word. When we are concerned about someone, we have a saying, “I just have to put my eyes on you!” This time life is challenging from the outside, challenging an internal struggle on the inside and I just had to put my ear to the page, allow the Spirit to speak to me. So I became the objects in the story, not Jesus or the disciples, but I positioned myself as the bread and the fish. This was the food from a child given not knowing the outcome.
As a parent of boys, this would have not been a natural occurance. Children who have been on the road, traveling, and probably stashing the food as he is getting hungry, planning his moment to eat, would not have just handed over his next meal. Just as unnatural as that, so is the supernatural event that occurred in the end. In the meantime, Jesus directed the crowd to sit, took the unlike little, blessed it, broke it and gave it out. Stop. I saw myself. The Spirit had me to sit, ordering my mind to be still, and reminding me Who He is in the midst of my thoughts of inadequacy, not being enough. He reminded me to take captive of those thoughts. He said not only to give all of it to Him but give Him me.
Jesus wanted me to be offered up and out, a living sacrifice (Rom. 12), bread like Him, the Bread of Life (John 6:35). The Spirit reminded me He knew me before I was born (Jer. 1:5), and all that He made was good. He blessed me when He saved me. Jesus continues to bless me, but also continues to break me as the two fish and five loave to become all that He created me to be, not for myself but for the Kingdom. He would take those broken pieces and use them for my good and His glory. Nothing would be wasted.
He breaks away the character, conduct and conversation unbecoming of who I am becoming. The sacrifices of the old testament was killed, laid out and offered up. We never heard from the animal sacrifices that were offered up. But God, there was One, the Sacrificial Lamb that was slain; we heard His words in the Garden (Matt. 26), the struggle and anxiety of what He was about to endure for us. Then on the other side, our resurrected Christ who gives us a resurrected hope. The Spirit gave me peace - the two fish (grace and mercy) with this process and for this journey. We say we want to be like Jesus, do we? We want the blessing but not the breaking. We want the peace that passes all understand, but not the senarios that causes us to cry for His grace and mercy. Step in the garden with me, sit and surrender - not my will, but Thy will be done.